My parents have iPhones. This is a ridiculous turn of events. Below is an actual email from my dad:
Thanks How are you? Love Dad
And that was written at a computer on a full-size keyboard. Why the strange spacing? I have no idea. This man has a master's degree.
I am half-dreading seeing what a touch screen keyboard does to his communication style. For the longest time when he started texting, he would leave out all vowels. I got the text below from him once:
"Hm ths wknd r cmg fr fd n fn?"
I replied:
"I have no idea what you are saying. What do you have against vowels?"
His response:
"Hams do it not working this weekend if you want to come for food n fun"
Right. Okay.
3.14.2011
3.10.2011
Open Letter to Facebook
Hey Facebook:
Stop suggesting that I make my exes my facebook friends. If I wanted them to be my facebook friends, don't you think I would have done that already? I don't actually need a reminder that they exist. Thanks for trying to look out for me and my online popularity, though.
Seriously,
me
Stop suggesting that I make my exes my facebook friends. If I wanted them to be my facebook friends, don't you think I would have done that already? I don't actually need a reminder that they exist. Thanks for trying to look out for me and my online popularity, though.
Seriously,
me
3.02.2011
last night's dream
Last night's dream was some kind of photo shoot involving beans and a soccer ball.
I believe the idea was to make it look like the beans (which were almost lima beans, but slightly smaller and not green) were playing soccer. The soccer ball was regulation size for humans, though, so the set-up included lots of trick wires and some fishing line. I remember that there were a couple little beans on the ground, standing upright, and one hovering on top of the soccer ball at an angle. I think that bean was getting ready to kick a goal.
I'm pretty sure that I happened upon this scene, which was set up in a warehouse or photo-shoot-y type environment. But once I was there, I was in charge. Quite an interesting responsibility to have thrust upon oneself. I'm still considering trying to do this shoot someday.
I believe the idea was to make it look like the beans (which were almost lima beans, but slightly smaller and not green) were playing soccer. The soccer ball was regulation size for humans, though, so the set-up included lots of trick wires and some fishing line. I remember that there were a couple little beans on the ground, standing upright, and one hovering on top of the soccer ball at an angle. I think that bean was getting ready to kick a goal.
I'm pretty sure that I happened upon this scene, which was set up in a warehouse or photo-shoot-y type environment. But once I was there, I was in charge. Quite an interesting responsibility to have thrust upon oneself. I'm still considering trying to do this shoot someday.
2.24.2011
career girl
I created my first commissioned artwork tonight. Granted, it was a drawing on a onesie and I was paid with a Sam Adams, but still. Holla.
It feels good.
It feels good.
2.04.2011
Product Idea
They should make alarm clocks that look like cake. Or brownies, cookies, piles of gummy bears, ice cream sundaes, whatever. Assuming no one likes having to wake up to an alarm, people will start associating their favorite treat with the unpleasant noise and experience of waking up and hitting snooze or disabling the alarm.
I think this could catch on with dieters, whether or not it actually works.
Bring on the money for me! In the unlikely event this idea gets marketed, I hereby claim all rights and proprietorshipity to this idea. Verily and forsooth.
2.02.2011
time travelling wedding crasher orgies
Yesterday, my grood friend sent me this link. We both enjoy the comics of Toothpaste for Dinner, and this one was pertinent since I have always had bizarrely intricate dreams that I sometimes enjoy sharing with friends. She did say that she doesn't necessarily agree with the comic in regards to me, but it was topical for us nonetheless.
Apparently my subconscious was feeling defiant after reading that TFD comic yesterday and tried to one-up itself.
I dreamed that I was a sixteen year-old Latina who was wedding crashing in order to find my time machine somewhere in the giant cathedral. I carried two bouquets of white roses, ostensibly to blend in, but they were some kind of magical power source for the time machine. You know how Latino weddings are -- anyone in a dress and carrying flowers blends in. I explored the upper stories of the building, finding bed-and-breakfast-style bedrooms and sitting areas, and then decided to have an orgy with four old men. Yeah. Gross. It was even gross in the dream. I started with one and then told him to send two in the next time. Of course, the second two weren't old anymore and were now semi-attractive, but still creepy that they were willing to do this. I didn't even get to try though, because my dream-mother and aunt came in, but they were only in their early 20s, since the time machine worked for them and I technically hadn't been born yet. My mother concluded that it was rape and sent my aunt, who was some kind of social worker or social justice advocate, away to get the papers to press charges. I was too ashamed (and bewildered) by my willingness to participate in the elderly orgy to admit the truth, and I knew I was going to ruin the lives of these men. I felt horribly confused and guilty, then woke up.
Of course, the fourth man that wasn't even naked in the room at the time was the one who looked like Ted Danson, who I would have most enjoyed orgying with.
Apparently my subconscious was feeling defiant after reading that TFD comic yesterday and tried to one-up itself.
I dreamed that I was a sixteen year-old Latina who was wedding crashing in order to find my time machine somewhere in the giant cathedral. I carried two bouquets of white roses, ostensibly to blend in, but they were some kind of magical power source for the time machine. You know how Latino weddings are -- anyone in a dress and carrying flowers blends in. I explored the upper stories of the building, finding bed-and-breakfast-style bedrooms and sitting areas, and then decided to have an orgy with four old men. Yeah. Gross. It was even gross in the dream. I started with one and then told him to send two in the next time. Of course, the second two weren't old anymore and were now semi-attractive, but still creepy that they were willing to do this. I didn't even get to try though, because my dream-mother and aunt came in, but they were only in their early 20s, since the time machine worked for them and I technically hadn't been born yet. My mother concluded that it was rape and sent my aunt, who was some kind of social worker or social justice advocate, away to get the papers to press charges. I was too ashamed (and bewildered) by my willingness to participate in the elderly orgy to admit the truth, and I knew I was going to ruin the lives of these men. I felt horribly confused and guilty, then woke up.
Of course, the fourth man that wasn't even naked in the room at the time was the one who looked like Ted Danson, who I would have most enjoyed orgying with.
1.24.2011
There is something peacefully satisfying about looking words up in a real print-and-paper dictionary. Hardcover is even better. A part of me always feels slightly vindicated when finding a specific word within what is, essentially, one huge list of words. Even when I don't find the word I want, I find joy in the distractions along the way. Discovering which words the publisher has decided to illustrate has also never ceased to intrigue me.
I have a dictionary at work that I found in a pile of used supplies. For a short time it was kept in one of the overhead cabinets in my cubicle, but I've learned to simply never put it away.
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